Iconic collective actions

An Initial List of Government Achievements

Let’s start by taking up Rush Limbaugh’s challenge: can we name any government programs that have worked? Actually, that is quite easy to do. What follows is a short list of some of the federal government’s greatest accomplishments. These are policy programs that have not only worked, but have been very successful and have greatly improved the quality of life of most Americans.

• Regulation of the Business Cycle. Until the financial crisis that began in 2008, most of us had forgotten how dependent we are on the federal government to prevent economic depressions. Since the 1930s, the government has used a variety of monetary and fiscal policies to limit the natural boom and bust cycles of the economy. Before government took on this responsibility, severe depressions were a routine and recurring problem in this country – occurring in 1819, 1837, 1857, 1873, 1893, 1907 and 1929. Thanks to government intervention, we have been able to avoid the enormous amount of human suffering caused by these massive economic meltdowns – the widespread joblessness, the destitution, the rampant hunger, the disease, the riots, the hopelessness and the despair. By any measure, eliminating these depressions and this misery has been one of the greatest – and often unheralded – achievements of our federal government.
• Public Health Programs. A variety of programs run by the National Institutes of Health, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and state and local Public Health departments have greatly improved the health of most Americans. For example, the scourges of polio, cholera, and smallpox have been effectively eradicated from this country – a huge achievement. And vaccination programs have reduced by 95% our risks of contracting potentially debilitating diseases like hepatitis B, measles, mumps, tetanus, rubella, and diphtheria. Federal funds spent on buying and distributing these vaccines have saved countless lives and the billions of dollars it would cost to treat these illnesses. In addition, the dedicated scientists who work for the CDC are all that stand between Americans and a potentially catastrophic epidemic imported from abroad. The most likely and worrisome threat is from a new and deadly strain of bird flu. The last deadly flu epidemic to hit the United States, in 1918, killed over 675,000 people in matter of months.
• The Interstate Highway System. Started by the Eisenhower administration in the 1950s, this system now forms the backbone of long-distance travel and commerce in the United States. It makes up less than 1% of our highways, but carries almost a quarter of all roadway traffic. It has also allowed millions of Americans to move out of big cities and live in more pleasant suburban and small town environments. In addition, the interstate system has the benefit of being considerably safer than the old two-lane highways it replaced – saving hundreds of thousands of lives. Even some conservatives have been forced to admit the success of this building program, with George Will calling it “the most successful public works program in the history of the world." It’s hard to imagine the U.S. without this interstate highway system, and this system would not exist at all if it weren’t for the government.

• Federal Deposit Insurance. Another government program we've taken totally for granted until recently is federal protection of our bank deposits. In bad economic times, banks are inherently vulnerable to destructive "runs" – where worried depositors all seek to take out their money at the same time. Before the FDIC, in the depression of the 1930s, over 5,000 banks went bust and millions of Americans lost their savings. The main reason we had no disastrous runs on banks (and money market funds) during the financial panic of 2008 was that government was there to guarantee those deposits.
• Social Security and Medicare. Without these two government programs, growing old would be hell for many Americans. Before Social Security and Medicare, millions of the elderly were doomed to spend their retirement years in poverty and illness. Social Security has cut the rate of poverty for the elderly by over half – from 29% in 1966 to 10% today. Not surprisingly, financial columnist Jane Bryant Quinn has described Social Security as “arguably the U.S. government's greatest success.” Medicare has also been incredibly successful. It has doubled the number of the elderly covered by health insurance, so that 99% now enjoy that benefit. Without this form of “socialized” medicine, 15 million of our neediest citizens would be going without many vital medical services and many would have to choose between food and medicine. Older Americans are now living 20% longer, thanks in part to this effective program. These two programs have done more than anything else to relieve the pain and suffering of our elderly population.
• GI Bill Without this program, the middle class as we know it would not exist. The GI Bill provided government funds for 16 million World War II and Korean veterans to attend college. It allowed my father to become the first one in his family to graduate college, to become an engineer, and to go on to build a middle-class life for our family. Historian David Kennedy has remarked that “GI Bill beneficiaries changed the face of higher education, dramatically raised the educational level and hence the productivity of the workforce, and in the process unimaginably altered their own lives.”⁷
• Federal Housing Authority. The middle class housing building and buying boom in the United States was initially financed by cheap GI Bill housing loans and by Federal Housing Authority insurance of conventional home loans. In 1945, only 44% of Americans owned their own home. But thanks in large part to the FHA program that lowered interest rates and down payments, 63% of Americans owned a home by 1968. These homes have become a multi-generational source of wealth for tens of millions of Americans. The FHA still insures over $50 billion a year in mortgages, and remains especially important for low-income house buyers.
• Consumer Protection. In reaction to increasing public pressure in the early 1970s, government began to pass legislation to protect consumers from shoddy and dangerous products. The Consumer Product Safety Commission remains the key agency enforcing these laws. The need it fills is still a vital one – products kill over 20,000 consumers a year and injure over 25 million more. It would be far worse if the CPSC did not recall hundreds of products every year. It is estimated that its activities produce $10 billion in savings on the health care bills, property damage, and other costs associated with these defective products.
• Anti-Discrimination Policies. Since the 1960s, policies like the Civil Rights Act and Title IX have chalked up impressive gains in decreasing discrimination against minorities and women. Racial segregation in hotels, restaurants and other public facilities has been eliminated. Housing discrimination and workplace discrimination, while not completely eradicated, have been substantially reduced. College enrollment for minorities has greatly increased, jumping 48% during the 1990s alone. In terms of gender, workplace discrimination and sexual harassment have decreased and record numbers of women are now attending colleges and graduate schools. There is still room for improvement – particularly in the area of equal wages – but it is clear that these policies have made substantial progress in eliminating racist and sexist practices that had existed for hundreds of years.
• Clean Water and Clean Air Programs. America’s water and air are significantly cleaner than they were in the 1960s, thanks to federal legislation. The levels of four of the six air pollutants covered by the Clean Air Act – nitrogen dioxide, smog, sulfur dioxide, and lead – have been reduced dramatically, by an average of 53%. The quality of the air has significantly increased in virtually every metropolitan area in the U.S. The Clean Water act has been similarly successful. When it was passed in 1972, only one-third of the nation’s waterways were safe enough for fishing or swimming. Today that has doubled to two-thirds. And while only 85 million Americans were served by sewage treatment plants in 1972, that figure has now risen to 170 million.
• Workplace Safety. Businesses love to complain about the rules of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration and sometimes its policies have been a bit overboard – but it has clearly been very effective in greatly increasing the level of protection for American workers. In 1970, the year before the creation of OSHA, 22,000,000 people were injured on the job and 14,000 died from job-related injuries. Since then, OSHA has helped to cut occupational injury and illness rates by 40 percent. Even more important, between 1980 and 2002, workplace deaths fell from 7.5 per 100,000 workers to 4.0. Particularly impressive has been its success against brown lung disease among textile workers, which has been virtually eliminated.
• The Military. Even Rush Limbaugh, who has never met a government program that he likes, admits that the U.S. military is a great success story. Although debates continue to rage over how the military should be used, there is complete agreement that our Army, Navy, and Air Force are the most effective military organizations in the world today. We have the best trained and the best equipped armed forces, and they have an unparalleled ability to effectively project military force – as was demonstrated in the two recent Gulf wars. In the case of the military, the government has clearly done an exemplary job of creating a well-working and effective organization.
• The West. Although few Americans think about this, much of the Western United States as we know it today is the creation of various federal programs. It has been that way from the very beginning, starting with government-sponsored explorations of the West in the early and mid-19^thcentury. It continued with the federal government providing the money and troops for the depressingly efficient program of “Indian removal.” The government also sold public land to settlers for low prices and sometimes even gave it away. The railroads, which spurred so much growth in the West, would not have been built without massive subsidies from the federal government. And today, much of the farming in many Western areas is made possible by federal water projects, substantial parts of the ranching are subsidized by the artificially low grazing fees on federal property, and much of the mining is made more profitable by dirt cheap access to federal land. Cities like Los Angeles and Las Vegas would dry up and blow away without the federally funded dam and canal projects that provide water to those arid regions. So it is ironic that while anti-big government sentiment is very strong in parts of this region, the West literally would not and could not exist as it does today without the sustained help of the federal government.
• National Weather Service. This government agency not only makes your life more convenient by forecasting your daily weather, it also helps to ensure the safety of planes in the air and ships at sea and it has saved countless lives with its hurricane and tornado warnings. It also just keeps getting better. It’s predictions of hurricane paths has improved by fifty percent during the past 15 years; and its forecasts of weather 72 hours in advance is now as reliable as 36-hour forecasts 25 years ago.
• Poverty Policies. This may seem counter-intuitive. Everybody knows that poverty policy is the classic example of government failure. How could it possibly be considered a success when the poverty rate is essentially the same as it was thirty years ago? The answer is that most of the policies aimed at the poor in the U.S. were never intended to get them out of poverty. They were only intended to alleviate the suffering of the poor – and studies have shown that they have been very successful in doing this.⁸ For example, food stamps have worked to greatly reduce hunger and malnutrition among the poor. The poor are much healthier and have more access to medical treatment thanks to Medicaid. And rent subsidies have allowed many of the poor to move out of places with leaking roofs, inadequate heat, and faulty plumbing. These three programs form the backbone of our anti-poverty efforts – their combined budgets are eight times larger than that for welfare – and in terms of achieving their stated goals, these programs have to be considered impressive government successes.
• Student Financial Aid Programs. College is getting increasingly expensive and more and more students require financial help to attend. The federal grants, loans, and work study money provided by the Department of Education form the largest source of college financial assistance, providing billions of dollars in funding each year. These programs have worked to remove financial barriers for students and thus create more equal opportunity in higher education. They have been a major factor in producing the rapid increases in college enrollment seen in the last 50 years, and they have also contributed to the increasing class and racial diversity of the college population.
• Food and Drug Safety Programs. The federal government enforces extensive rules to protect the public from tainted food and directly regulates both the meat and poultry industries. It also plays a key role in ensuring the safe use of pesticides on agricultural products, both from here and abroad. Federal authorities are also on the frontlines in combating new threats to our food system, such as mad-cow disease. In addition, the Food and Drug Administration ensures that the drugs we take are pure and effective – an enormously complicated enterprise. Every year the FDA identifies almost 3,000 products that are unfit for consumption and ensures their withdrawal from the marketplace. Americans are undoubtedly safer and healthier thanks to these government programs.
• Funding Basic Science Research. Most research on basic scientific topics – in physics, biology, chemistry, etc. – does not have immediate commercial applications and so this work is highly dependent on government funding. Federal funds pay for 80% of the basic science research in this country, through laboratory facilities in universities and in government agencies such as the National Institutes for Health. For this reason, the government deserves a great deal of credit for the important scientific and technological breakthroughs produced by these efforts. In just one area – biomedical science – basic research has provided the foundation to develop new diagnostic technologies, such as nuclear magnetic resonance machines, and new treatments for cancer, diabetes, and many other diseases. It is revealing that nearly half of the most important medical treatments in the field of cardiovascular-pulmonary medicine have their origins in basic research attempting to unravel the mysteries of the lungs, heart, and muscles – work done by scientists not working in this specific disease area.⁹ Beyond such practical payoffs, government-funded basic research has also made important progress in answering many of the most profound questions that have baffled humanity for centuries: What is the nature of matter and energy – and the nature of reality itself? How did the universe begin? How will it end? Are we alone in the universe? What is the nature of life – and how did it begin? The achievements of basic science in the United States have been many and stunning – and these are achievements of government as well.

Nick Katzenbach and the 1965 Voting Rights Act

This is a story that I heard from Nick Katzenbach about his role in the formulation and passage of the 1965 Voting Rights Act.  see this web link. 

I had no role at all personally...Kath and I were living in Maryland out Massachusetts Avenue in the Woodacres neighborhood at the time... and I was busy trying (successfully it turned out) to get a job in Germany and we were largely indifferent to the machinations of the Government...even something as important as the Civil and Voting Rights Acts. So we were unaware at the time of the momentousness of the events surrounding the passage of the Voting Rights Act.

But later, after leaving government, after having served as Deputy Attorney General, Attorney General, and Deputy Secretary of State, Katzenbach became IBM's General Counsel in the 1980s and would come to Washington... I was working for IBM's government relations office on K Street...the infamous K Street corridor of lobbyists. I had worked in Germany, California, France, and then returned to Washington.

It was IBM's practice to attach a Government Relations (GR) guy to any IBM senior executive who came to town because generally, IBM's executives were unfamiliar with Washington and the various 'risks' of  the political environment presented to an unwary businessman, but that was a ridiculous rationale when applied to Nick Katzenbach who knew more about working in Washington than I or any of my colleagues ever would.

When Katherine and I came back from France in 1983, I joined IBM's "government relations department" ...a euphemism for 'lobbying group'...in Washington, DC as Corporate Director of Technology Policy Programs... a right-sounding title.... but, like bank vice presidents, there were a lot of us.

IBM ran its lobbying group like a law firm...that is, those of us in charge of certain policy areas...such as in my case 'technology policy'... had to have 'clients' within the IBM company who formed a policy position...

this was to discourage 'freelancing' ...that is a lobbyist advancing a personal political agenda...I must admit, I was guilty of this on occasion... but officially any 'IBM view' that I expressed to Congress or the Executive branch on behalf of IBM had to have been backed up by a senior executive 'client' who had espoused that view after gaining concurrence of it within the corporation... 

but reality intervenes...policy positions were formulated only rarely in this orderly manner...most of the time I, as the 'manager' of the perception of IBM's policy position on any given subject, would, in fact, absent an executive formulation, 'draft' a position on an issue and organize concurrence within IBM...the reverse of the process...rather than a top-down approach...this is not especially unusual...I suspect most corporate political positions are originated by specialists within their lobbying groups...and then adopted as a corporate position after the fact....or before the fact, but as a result of advocacy by the government relations person rather than the corporate policy person...this is not to argue that corporate lobbyists are smarter, but simply that they do have the time to think about issues and the incentive and the information to formulate a coherent political position...they do what they are paid to do...

...of course, senior IBM executives wanted to come to Washington and to interact with political figures in the Congress or the executive branch...so any senior IBM visitor...that is a 'client'... would be escorted by his contact in the lobbying group....for example, 'me' ...to any meetings with government officials... the unofficial reason for this was because while senior executives have power and budget money and have strong views on issues ...often in calls on the Hill or in the Executive Branch they would say things that really did not represent IBM corporate views...it was not as a surprise...but this tendency was to be monitored and 'contained' ..some sort of order and conformity was necessary...I don't mean this was rampant but frequent enough to cause the creation of this scheme of 'minders'. 

If during a meeting, an IBM visitor/client would announce an off-the-wall view, I, for example, would not contradict him at the time...but I would attempt to change the subject such as in this manner: "Well Senator Gore, your staff director told me that you have a floor vote in 10 minutes, so 'Bobby Joe X' our Senior Vice President for Asia and Latin America and Texas Sales would like to use this remaining time to explain our views on the telecommunications trade act being advanced by your colleague Senator Danforth in the Senate."

Then, as soon as possible, later that day or the next, I would get back to the staff contact of the person we had visited and explain that the IBM visitor had misspoken about this or that...most often the misstatement would have made no difference because, as large and powerful... economically... as IBM was in the 1980s, it was just one of many corporate 'constituents' with which a Senator or Representative might interact...

but occasionally it was important because the misstatement could have been used politically to IBM's discomfort...and the responsibility for the causing of that discomfort was not the visitor, but his 'contact', because the lobbying job included making sure that the IBM's formulated...'official' view about political issues was clearly and consistently expressed to the various representatives of the US Government and understood by the IBM visitor...

This is a long way around to get to the point that Nick Katzenbach...then, at the time of my story, was IBM's General Counsel...but he had been formerly, as I related above, Assistant Attorney General under Bobby Kennedy, then, Attorney General under President Johnson, after that Deputy Secretary of State...used to come to town from Armonk, NY...IBM's headquarters.. to 'call on' people in Washington...many of whom he had known as colleagues while in government...Nick had been brought into IBM...I think...to address the antitrust suit brought in 1969...there was a joke told by Frank Cary, then CEO of IBM, that Nick was the only man to have exceeded an unlimited budget. Incidentally, IBM used Cravath, Swaine, and Moore law firm in New York...and a young David Boies was the lead attorney in IBM's defense.

and I would pick Nick up at the private airport at National Airport in Washington in a black Lincoln private town car and we would make calls on various political figures in Washington...

well ..as you can imagine...with all Nick Katzenbach's experience and history, the idea that I was going to monitor or 'mind' his conduct with political personalities in Washington was absurd...

so I explained to him the first day I picked him up at National why I was even involved with his visits to Washington, and we both laughed about it, 

and I suggested that during the lulls between calls .. rather than look at each other or engage in trivial chit chat... or worse...  for me to try to explain to him some complicated political position that IBM was espousing... about which he would have already been intimately familiar...that maybe he might recall for me...since I was fascinated by the period... his roles in opening the University of Mississippi and Alabama to black students...it was Katzenbach that confronted and caused to back down Governor of Alabama George Wallace as he 'stood in the door' to bar the enforcement of the Brown versus Board of Education decision by the US Supreme Court...

and his active, although discrete, management of the successful passage of the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act....

plus his role in creating the Warren Commission to investigate the Kennedy assassination...

and his agreement to defend Clinton against impeachment...just to name only a few of the momentous events in which Nick Katzenbach participated...

and he agreed, by his agreement to tell me some stories, I confirmed, then, my belief that it's very difficult for anyone to say no to a request to relate stories in which they played a prominent and important role...

and Nick did not disprove my theory....who cannot speak to a listening ear...

By the way, he liked the now-defunct Jockey Club in the old Fairfax Hotel on Massachusetts Avenue for lunch...he did not like Harvey's on 18th street ..also gone...maybe because it was J. Edgar Hoover's favorite, ''Hoover", of course, worked for Katzenbach as AG, but Hoover was apparently a thorn in his side"...and believe it or not Nick liked Chrisfield II on Georgia Avenue...one of 'our' ...Katherine and me...favorite places for Maryland seafood.

Nick told me about his request to Dr. King not to make the Selma march....Dr. King refused his sincere request saying to him..."you're a white, male, Protestant, graduate of Philips Exeter, Princeton, Oxford, and Yale and you can't have any idea of what it is to be a black man in America today..."

Lyndon B. Johnson was appalled by the violence of 

that summer. Within days after signing the Civil Rights Act in July 1964, Johnson began pressuring Attorney General Nicholas Katzenbach to “write me the goddamn best, toughest voting rights act that you can devise.” Mr. Katzenbach got to work.  In fact, the bill was informally referred to as the 'Dirskenbach' bill 

because Nick enlisted Republican support by involving 

Minority Leader Everett Dirksen in its drafting. 

Although Democrats controlled both houses in 1965...southern senators...all of who voted against it, tried to filibuster the bill, but cloture was invoked with Republican votes.

In 2017 the voting rights act was 52 years old and here's a great article comparing what John Lewis, who claims Trump's presidency is illegitimate, 

and who was disparaged by Trump using Twitter as ''all talk'... and Trump... were doing in the period preceding the passage of the Voting Rights Act. 

It's a revelation.

Coretta Scott King and Letter from Birmingham Jail

Micheal,

I was struck yesterday on our ride back home to Washington, having just played Whiskey Creek Golf course in Northern Maryland near Baltimore, during which, as I recall, we...and Gene Kilby also... played extremely well, about the parallels in our lives...we are about the same age, we were raised in a 'southern' culture, we lived in many of the same places including southern Germany, California, and for 35 years on Cambridge Place, NW in Washington, DC and we... not least... have shared another heretofore unknown interest...

Let me explain...somehow our conversation moved yesterday from an Aspen Institute seminar which you moderated years ago that included Ray Hagin ...the infamous..now convicted felon sadly... the mayor of New Orleans during the Katrina disaster...and his elegant..as you recalled...mother...

to Coretta Scott King...my memory was stirred by your recall of Hagin because I remember Mrs. King as elegant.. 'regal'...and also very shy. 

I am, then, reminded of a time in the early 90s when I attended an event...maybe a Business Roundtable... in Washington...during which Mrs. King was to be inaugurated as a member of an advisory committee. She had arrived early without an entourage and had found her way to the empty meeting room filled with round lunch set-up tables...probably led there and left alone by a staffer who had no idea who she was.

I attended the meeting representing a late-arriving IBM senior executive...Jim Cannavino... and I got there early myself also....and so she and I occupied a large dining room alone for a few minutes ...although soon the room began to be filled with members of the 'board'...and all, while appearing to recognize Mrs. King...it seemed to me.. seemed reluctant to approach her...she was 'iconic' ... and also she was so reserved...

So following the advice that Katherine and I gave to Lauren when she was eleven or so and first went ...with many trepidations... to summer camp, that she 'adopt' the camper who seemed to have no other friends as a means of calming her own fears, I sat down next to her and Mrs. King and I began to talk...our conversation smoothed, I suspect, because of my southern accent...even though I had made an effort to lose it, unsuccessfully, even after 60 years away from the 'south.'

There is something about language and accent that does moderate unfamiliarity...

The meeting started and I moved away to my designated table, but I would catch Mrs. King's eye occasionally and she would smile...at a friendly face I suppose...and I talked with her at length during 'breaks' in the meeting ...again no one approached her...I introduced her to Jim Cannavino who had by then arrived...as well as to several other business executives who were sitting at other tables.

After meeting Mrs. King, and being 'taken' by her...and with some encouragement from me... Jim decided he would like IBM to contribute to the King Center in Atlanta, and asked me if I would arrange the details...the money...about $200K would come from his budget....

IBM was maybe unique in its delegation of budget authority to its senior executives without detailed corporate review...so with his imprimatur, I flew down to Atlanta and saw Mrs. King and the executive director of the King Center and discussed with them several projects that IBM might sponsor...

What NGO organizations like the King Center want is unrestricted money because they always have trouble just meeting general expenses...so we agreed to a contribution to general funds and a special fund to create a presentation of Letter from Birmingham Jail for the King Center...aside from 'Letter' being a powerful statement ..Gandhi's influence is clearly in it.. and one of my favorite literary pieces ... it was 'typed' on an IBM Selectric typewriter for posterity by a secretary in the Southern Leadership conference office from pieces of paper smuggled out of the Birmingham jail ...remember the 'golf' ball electric typewriter...a little piece of trivia...

I worked with an IBM Division headquartered in Atlanta who already had a project underway.... identified as 'Illuminated Manuscripts'...that included a spoken version of Letter from Birmingham Jail... as well as narrated excerpts from Black Elk Speaks, Ulysses, Hamlet etc...illustrated with video from the Civil Rights era....to create a visual presentation of 'Letter' in the King Center... as the first exhibition visitors would see upon entry.

(Unfortunately, I cannot locate a copy of the software today...and it's no longer in the King Center...the technology having been long surpassed...but I will keep looking...but I have identified a reading of the 'letter' by Anna Deavere Smith sponsored by the Aspen Institute... which in many ways is superior.)

So, over the course of a year, I met with Mrs. King several times...occasionally taking her out to lunch....I took her once to a very fancy hotel in downtown Atlanta and caused a stir because she was a very public figure...so over time, we became good acquaintances... if not friends...

Of course, time passed, and I never saw her again until she died in 2006.

and then, amazingly, you related to me the quite remarkable coincidence that you used Letter from Birmingham Jail...a piece you admired...in many discussions, you moderated at the Aspen Institute...and, of course, you must have had a hand in the Anna Deavere Smith performance.

As an aside,

Jim Cannavino was President of IBM's Personal Computer Division..and had access to IBM's fleet of jets. I would occasionally fly from Washington to Laguardia, drive a rental car to Armonk, and meet him at the private airport near there to fly on to a meeting...Once we met with Bill Gates in Seattle...Microsoft, as you know, developed the first operating system... DOS...for the IBM personal computer.

We discussed the fateful decision the first President of the PC Division ...Don Estridge...made when he did not reserve IBM ownership of the DOS operating system when it was installed on IBM compatible PCs... many argue that he made a huge mistake...but I would argue that his strategy in publishing the specs of the IBM PC and relying on third-party software and inviting other companies to build compatible functions that would fit into the universal slots in the IBM PC was the reason the PC was so successful.

Bill Gates acknowledged at that meeting that he had not been prescient enough to have deliberately sought the exclusion but realized later that it was a stroke of good luck...

Don Estridge, incidentally, was offered the Presidency of Apple by Steve Jobs but turned it down....Jobs ...by the way... pursued an entirely different strategy with the Apple 'personal computer'......creating all of Apple's functions in-house...but with the iPhone, he modified the approach to invite third parties to create apps...a decision that many think was the true stroke of genius.

Jim Cannavino later left IBM and headed up Ross Perot's new company Perot Systems after Perot sold EDS to General Motors...

Another Shaggy Dog Story

During Desert Storm, an American Air Force officer met a Saudi Air Force officer.

They began to make small talk, and after the discussion had been carrying on for a little while, the Saudi officer decided to pull out his wallet and show pictures of his family to the American.

When the American saw the picture of the Saudi's family, he was shocked. "Hey, that looks like my son," he said, referring to one of the Saudi officer's children. "That looks just like my Juan!"

The Saudi officer explained. "About 15 years ago, I went to Mexico to drill for oil. While I was there, my wife and I decided to adopt a young boy. We named him Amal and he's grown up with us."

The American said, "Well, about 15 years ago, my wife and I were stationed at the Mexican embassy. We adopted Juan and now he's in high school. I wonder if your boy and mine are twins!"

Sure enough, the boys had the same birthday and they agreed that the two boys must have been twins. After the war ended, they agreed to meet in Los Angeles and have a big reunion. Of course, the news media received word of this and were eagerly anticipating the arrival of the young boy from the Middle East.

However, to the disappointment of the crowd that had assembled, it was announced that the plane would be over four hours late. Juan's mother said to the media, "You might as well go home. There's no point in waiting here."

"Why would we want to do that?" asked a reporter.

"Well," she replied, "they're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

The Irma (Parker) Limerick

Jim and I chose to honor Irma's 80th birthday through the medium of poetry.

But first, I want you to know that Jim is the prime author.

I assert this because I'm not about to to bear all the responsibility for what follows.

Second, rather than an epic poem in the tradition of Beowulf, which is, of course, warranted by Irma's life arc, we have decided upon the 'limerick' form, not least because we are intimidated by my family MacDonald's reputation of satire....reinforced by sarcasm.

So let's defend our position...you may ask why its necessary to assume such as adversarial position...wait a minute...this is a gathering to honor an important member of our family...what is all this focus on the semantic details.

A limerick is defined by many as:

a five line stanza in in spondaic hexameter (remember from school that Shakespeare's verse is written in iambic pentameter)..Huh!

So here's a version of a limerick:

"There once was a man from Nantucket
who kept all his cash in a bucket
but his daughter named Nan
ran away with a man
and as for the bucket Nan-tuck-et"

So please no obvious sighs or hoots after I begin...be discreet...however foreign that might be...think of the occasion...think of this limerick as going from terrible to just bad.

Irma's Limerick

There is a young girl from Cape Charles
about whose charms there are no quarrels
'tennie brother,' 'sister,' and 'brother'
decided they didn't want another
because they know she'd steal the laurels

As a baby Irma was quite happy
the apple of the eye of her Pappy
her Mother agreed
except when Irma pee'd
and she had to change the wet nappy

She grew to great beauty and charm
yet her mother still viewed with alarm
her penchant for being out late
risking her future to cruel fate
but fortunately she survived without harm

So she still had a big problem to solve
but solutions made her head revolve
off to Flora MacDonald she went
before someplace else she got sent
and all her dreams would dissolve

So this lass went off to Red Springs
to a college where to walls ivy clings
she learned there to smoke
and to drink bourbon and coke
engaging in Highland among other flings.

For a time she worked in DC
and lived with 'brother' for free
there she captured her mate
built the bomb for the state
living life with such obvious glee

With Seth she very often did fly
in life as well as the great blue sky
she is very good and kind
there's not need to remind
that she lifted us all up very high

Then along came a baby name Julie
very cute through often unruly
cute and all that she maybe
but competitive I am you'll see
she's not as cute as her cousin yours truly

We all love this little lass named Irma
she reminds of a shave called Burma
she inspires the rhyme
and manages to stymie
any threat that might have overcome her

So let's all together now murmur
and nominate a woman called Irma
to a post quite weighty
the ripe old age of eighty
even republicans will vote to confirm her.

Katherine Ingram

A story about an Ingram relative in the Civil War

War Experiences of Mr. W.A. Landrum

(Mr. W.A. Landrum is Liam, Kailen, Nyal, Jessica, and James' Great Great Great Grandfather, and Mya Calderon's great, great, great, great grandfather)

Compiled by Mr. Landrum in 1923 at the request of the Millican Chapter of the United Daughters of the Confederacy.

On February 1st, 1863 I was eighteen years old. The Confederate Government had passed an act conscripting all men from 18 to 60 years old. At that time one DC. Smith was organizing a Company in the State and I enlisted in it. The company was made up of 18 year old boys from the rural sections, 16 and 17 year old boys mostly from the slums of the cities and substitutes over 60 years old who had been hired to take the place of some who were conscripted.

The company was gathered at Macon, Georgia, sent to Savannah and in a few days to Florida. Much of this State (of Florida) was not settled up and many deserters and Tories collected there. Our company was often sent to capture them or to guard the ports. There were only a few railroads and we marched a great deal, often on stock paths, crossing streams, and lakes so deep that to keep our cartridges dry we put the boxes around our necks. In course of time there were other companies collected in the same way and formed the 64th Georgia Regiment.

Our first battle was at Olustee Station 15 miles above Jacksonville. We had a company of cavalry and our regiment of about 1200 men to meet the 15,000 of the enemy. Our horsemen were falling back in battle order until they reached our foot troops lined up to meet the enemy.

The Yanks has a Negro Regiment hot with liquor in the front line to open the battle. The Negro troops were killed or wounded. Our regiment which was deployed about 15 feet apart to make a semblance f a battle lien was badly cut down in a few minutes. Just at this time Colquitt's Brigade that had been rushed from Savannah arrived on the field (double-quick-on-four right-file-in-a-line) was performed as complete as I ever saw on a parade ground. The enemy was completely surprised. They had 5 day's ration in their haversacks, marching to Lake City, 60 miles north of Jacksonville and on to Tallahassee the capital. They has learned of our little Army of 12 or 15 hundred troops were all that were in the state at the time. Longleaf pines were standing on the battlefield. The Yankees has artillery and were dropping the pines limbs on us.

We charged them and captured their cannon. They rallied and came again. Fighting was desperate. In a short time, we charged them again. This time they threw down their guns and ran back to the gunboats at Jacksonville. Our cavalry followed them and reported them in their boats at 9 o'clock which made 30 miles travel and 4 ½ hours of fighting in one day.

All the commissioned officers of my company were killed or wounded so as I was Orderly Sergeant, the next in authority I was put in command of the company...a 19 year old back woods boy. Well, if my head swelled a bit my hat was not pushed off for I didn't have any. I have a cap when the battle began. I think a Yankee bullet knocked it off. A minnie ball tore one side of my boot and I had to cut it off my foot so there I was barefooted as well as bareheaded.

We rested on the battlefield that night or rather we stayed there. We had left our knapsacks and blankets at Lake City in order to march the better to the battlefield. Next day we marched toward Jacksonville capturing stragglers who could not keep up with the retreating Yankees army the night before.

We had nothing to eat. We hoped to forage on the road but the country was not settled. We were without food of any kind for 2 ½ days. Some of our boys found some wild deer and shot them. We had no salt, nothing to cook in, no bread of any kind. We broiled the meat on coals of fire. I did not like deer meat and I don't like it now, but that was the best food I ever ate.

As this is to be a short statement, I must leave out details.

So from there (Florida) we went to Virginia. (presumably by railroad.)

At the 'blow up' near Petersburg we were in the trenches on the left-wing of the blow-up and met the enemy. As they tried to break our line the smoke of the explosions and battle was so dense that many of the enemy fell in the hole as they tried to cross our line. Fighting hand to hand we succeeded in holding our line.

From there we went to “Deep Bottoms,” were ordered to hold some temporary breastworks until reinforcement could get there. The enemy broke our line on our left and came up in the rear to us.

Not knowing our line was broken we thought it was our promised reinforcements until they reached us. Perhaps ten to one they fired on s until several of our men aped their white handkerchiefs.

They (the enemy) formed us in a line, marched us double-quick between a Negro Regiment with a white commander to take us to Grant's (General later President Ulysses S Grant) headquarters at Sheetpoint. The Yanks either knew or expected our reinforcements and double-quick-ed us away. It was some consolation to hear the next day that the men who captured us had been taken prisoner (by our troops.)

At Grant's headquarters, we were offered a suit of clothes and a railroad ticket to any point that we might want to go inside of their lines if we would take the oath of allegiance to the United States Government.

Our boys bit at it and assembled the next day with their suits on. We were kept in a bullpen (a staked off clean place with guards around it) several days until a boat came and took us to the prison at Point Lookout, Maryland.

There I stayed about 2 months. The Yankees refused to exchange prisoners but offered to swap a boatload of the sick men from each side. I was selected as one of the sick. We were sent to Richmond and given a furlough and transportation home, arriving at home about the last of October 1864.

As we were not allowed to go to go into battle again, my furlough was extended until Sherman's march through Georgia and tore up the railroads. I never got to the front anymore.

I took the oath of allegiance to the United States Government at home after Lee's surrender.

Let us hope that the nations of the earth will soon embrace the teachings of the Prince of Peace, “Do unto others as you wish to be done by”, “Love thy neighbor as thyself”, “The Brotherhood of Man”, “And the Fatherhood of God”. And have no more wars.

W.A. Landrum,

Company A 64th Georgia Regiment.

Beau's Limerick

An Ode to Beau
(in the form of a Limerick)

His spirit survives good ole Beau
I can tell you exactly how I know
Just simply recall
a dirty yellow ball
That he tosses to a child...just so

Beau had many good traits
among his admirers he rates
but then he would retreat
and lay down in the street
as his friend Holly often relates

Whenever we'd start on a walk
no hesitancy, reluctance, or balk
But he'd turn toward any noise
Hoping it would be three boys
emotion as clear as if he could talk

If he didn't want to leave the Park
He wouldn't resist, run, or bark
but he'd hide in plain sight
as if suddenly it was night
who is he kidding we'd remark

If sometimes, he was not invited
we wouldn't get all that excited
we'd just say no
we simply will not go
But if he's included we'd be delighted

When Kath and I would fight
either morning, noon, or night,
he's come to us
interrupt the fuss
and lie closer to whoever was right

We will miss Beau very much
his endearing habits and such
as we think of him
our memories not dim
of his presence and his touch

Kaliffitti

http://picasaweb.google.com/JimIngramDC/Kailiffitti?authkey=Q8SRObkz8GE .

Read and view the whole story by clicking above.

A Shaggy Dog Story

November 21, 2005

Washington, DC

I define a shaggy dog story thus: A seemingly (usually) plausible story of varying length (the longer the better). As the story progresses, the reader should become more and more intrigued, even if they know it's a shaggy dog story. The last line is always an absolutely hideous pun.

Why are these stories called 'shaggy dog stories?' I don't think anyone knows really, but here's one example of the 'original' shaggy dog story:

"An advertisement is placed in The Times to announce a competition to find the shaggiest dog in the world. After a vast amount of effort and investigation (described in detail, after the nature of this type of story), the winning dog was presented to the aristocratic instigator of the competition, who said: “I don’t think he’s so shaggy”."

But over time shaggy dog stories have evolved. A 'true' shaggy dog story, in my opinion, now requires that the last line be an outrageous pun, not just an abrupt, unexpected, contrary ending, no matter how funny.

I don't know whether anyone else in the world loves shaggy dog stories as much as I do, but I'm creating a weblog that will post a new shaggy dog story periodically for distribution hopefully to an ever-increasing list of enthusiasts on the assumption that among the billions of people on earth, there are a few who share a love of shaggy dog stories.

Here's a brief example: But a caveat... a 'brief' shaggy dog story is oxymoronic, however, this example demonstrates quickly the humor in a shaggy dog story, so maybe readers, only browsing, may be intrigued enough to read the 'real' shaggy dog story that follows it.

here's how  a form of shaggy dog story is described in 'A Classification of Shaggy Dog Stories'

Here's the 'brief and, therefore, unrepresentative' shaggy dog story:

All the top chess players show up at a hotel for an important international tournament. They spend the first hour hanging around the lobby telling each other of their recent victories. Their crows get progressively louder and louder as each one tries to outdo the others. The hotel manager gets tired of this, so he throws them out of the lobby and tells them to go to their rooms. "If there's one thing I can't stand," he says,

"it's chess nuts boasting by an open foyer."

Here's a 'real' shaggy dog story:

One day a frequent patron of Mulligans Bar across the 59th street bridge in Queens comes in and Ryan, the bartender greets him: "Good day to you, Roy! How are you? What'll you have to drink?"

"I used to like a lager, but I can't bear the idea anymore," Roy says.

"I've got a strange ailment...nothing I do to eliminate it has worked. I've been to my doctor. He sent me for a scan. He can't find anything wrong.

I can't fish, I can't play poker, I can't watch football. Food tastes horrible. I feel terrible. Life is not worth living. I've tried everything. I've been to the priest. I've tried mediation. I've tried Zoloft. I don't know what to do."

Ryan says: " Life is unfair, Roy. Here I've lived all of my life without a pain...without tragedy, without conflict, without care. It's not that I'm virtuous. Heaven knows that. In any system of scorekeeping, I don't 'deserve' a burden-less existence. Why you? Why not me?"

I was looking at a movie on television recently. I just happened on it. You know it? It called: The Gods Must be Crazy." I think that title contains a truth. The gods we worship are crazy.

This is a screwed-up world we live in. Hello out there. Is there anyone in charge?"

Ryan continues: "Listen, I have an idea. It's crazy, but if you've tried everything, maybe this might work. See the guy at the end of the bar. He's a former witch doctor from Madagascar. He drives a cab since he came to America. He tells me that he still practices his magic for his fellow countrymen. He lives in Queens over by the Harlem River. Maybe he can help."

Roy moves to the end of the bar and introduces himself and explains his problem.

The witch doctor replies: "I can't compete with modern American medicine. I stand in awe of the machines and medicines and techniques. I am ashamed by the primitiveness of the practices I engaged in back in my village.

Roy interposes, desperate: " Ryan tells me that you still help your countrymen. You must still retain some skills or they wouldn't keep asking. I'll pay. I can afford whatever you charge."

The witch doctor replies: "How did you acquire the where-with-all to be able to afford whatever I charge?" Do you believe that you have lifted yourself by your bootstraps through determination and hard work?

Roy answers quickly: "No... sure I worked hard, but I was born white, Protestant, male, to a middle-class family. I am the product of my genes. I didn't make a consequential decision unaffected by my heritage or my environment before I was 20 years old. I didn't earn my current status. I managed to obtain it mostly by inheritance and luck. But my luck has now failed me. Maybe you can help me."

The witch doctor looks directly at Roy and nods: " Maybe I can help. The only time I am successful with one of my countrymen, since arriving on the boat in New York harbor, is when my subject acknowledges the truth as you stated it. He accepts that he's no different than the numbers player who hits the jackpot... he receives a windfall at birth or not ... it's the fickleness of chance."

Roy says: "I agree."

"Then here's what I want you to do:" says the witch doctor as he removes from his shoulder bag a length of leather strapping.

"I want you to take this leather thong...cut it into short lengths and steep a section in your morning coffee and then remove it ... and drink the elixir. Come back to see me when it's finished. "

In two weeks Roy appears again in the bar. He searches for the witch doctor. The witch doctor occupies his usual seat at the end of the bar.

"Doctor, doctor" Roy calls.

"Yes, Roy, I'm here. How has it gone? Has your illness lessened? Have you done as I asked? Have you cut the thong into parts and steeped it in your coffee? Is the process complete?"

"Yes, doctor" Roy answers, but with resignation and defeat in his voice:

'The thong is ended but the malady lingers on."

A Golden Sled Story

In the beginning Tripp, Chris, and Lauren learned the secret of the Golden Sled. Some years later the secret passed to Jess and James who honored it. Now it passes from them to three young brothers Nyal, Kailen, and Liam.

It is in the nature of the secret that after it moves to the next generation, those who held it before only remember that they once were the keepers. And they are happy in the memory and urge the next to use the secret wisely.

And Nyal, Kailen, and Liam have agreed to keep the secret of the Golden Sled and to use it for good.

Nyal is the oldest brother. He is bright and eager and clever and a leader. He possesses, even at his age, a wry sense of humor. He begins to understands that life can be ridiculous. He often responds to a question with the expression "Oh Yeah" and in a tone that belies the obvious meaning.

Kailen is the middle brother. He loves Nyal. He observes what Nyal says and does and often emulates him. In fact, he sometimes tries to do what Nyal has done even better. He is courageous..and mischievous. But Kailen has a mind of his own. Often he does the opposite of what Nyal does just to show his independence. And Kailen is very protective of his little brother Liam.

Liam is the youngest of the three brothers who know the secret of the golden sled. He loves his brothers and he waits to see what they do. But after that, and because he is the youngest, he often does exactly what he wants to do in spite of Nyal and Kailen and even his Mother or Father.

The three brothers live in a wonderful house with lots of rooms and especially a big kitchen.

In the morning, they get up earlier than anyone else in the household and meet in the big kitchen and congregate around the radio.

It may seem strange that they listen to the radio rather than listen to CDs or watch the television. But they have a favorite National Public Radio newsreader who they eagerly look forward to hearing. His name is Carl Kasell.

Carl often reads items that interest the three boys.

It is from these newscasts that they get assignments that require the powers of the golden sled to be used for good.

They must be alert everyday to the possibility that a situation will arise when once again the brothers set fear aside and honor the obligations of the keepers of the secret of the golden sled. This Friday Kailen and Liam turn on the radio and drink their hot chocolate. Nyal is away in Pakistan. The radio crackles: "This is NPR News and I'm Carl Kasell. Fierce fighting continued today in Iraq. The toll in lives remains heavy......."

Kailen's mind drifts. Liam is still hungry.

Carl's voice intrudes on the thoughts of each as he says "... and in local news from Washington, DC, the National Zoo alerted the media today it faces an extraordinary situation. A local golden retriever...named Beau...has inadvertently found his way into the lion's den. Just how adds to the drama. The Director of the National Zoo speculated to our reporter that the following probably happened: Robin Bolton-Smith, a family friend, agreed to look after Beau while his masters were away for the weekend. She took Beau for a walk north along Rock Creek toward Mary Anne Foster's house when the great deluge that recently drenched Washington, DC, flash flooded the creek valley, sweeping Beau away while he was swimming to retrieve a thrown ball.

Beau was able to swim finally to the other side of the creek but by this time he was abreast of the National Zoo. He must have struggled frantically to find solid ground and the highest most solid ground would have been in the lion's den. Not only that but the fence surrounding the den would have been at the moment well below the level of the water and easily gotten over. The water must have receded almost immediately leaving Beau stranded within the compound but separated from the lion's cages by a water filled moat unable now to escape. Beau smell alerted the she-lion who exhibiting a fierce demeanor frightened Beau to seek refuge in a tiny niche in the rocks within the Lion compound. Beau is now howling pitifully from his sanctuary unable to be reached by the zoo keepers because of the high water and the insistent demands of the other animals whose homes have been inundated by the storm. The Zoo director appeals for help from anyone who might be able to approach Beau."

Kailen sits riveted.

He looks toward Liam and says: "Did you hear that? That's Beau-Beau!"

He turns to face Liam: "Liam I think this is your initiation. I think we have an 'assignment.'"

Nyal and Kailen have a routine they follow when an 'assignment' is accepted. They begin the process of preparation quickly and without the need for further discussion. Each knows his job.

With Nyal away, Kailen thinks: "How do I include Liam?"

Kailen decides mentally and says out loud: "Liam, get your jeans and sneakers on and get your bike from the garage." Kailen grabbed a backpack from the hook in the mud hall. He leaves a note under the flower pot on the table. The note says: "Dear Mom and Dad, we are off for a ride down by the creek off the woods road. We'll be back later in the morning. Love, Kailen." (Note: One of the powers of the golden sled is to make time pass very slowly so that no matter how much time an 'assignment' requires it appears to normal people to be only a couple of hours.)

Kailen always rides 'point' when heading out on an 'assignment.' Liam is newly assigned 'rear.' Since Nyal is away Liam must, under the new arrangements to accommodate Liam, now ride 'cover'...Nyal's normal job.

He checks both front and rear to assure himself all is under control. The responsibility of the 'point' is to foresee any things that might delay or expose the two brothers to delay or exposure as keepers of the secret of the Golden Sled.

The responsibility of the 'rear' is to be alert to anyone who might be overly curious or even intentionally following the brothers. No one must be allowed to learn the secret of the Golden Sled except when the brothers pass it on to the next acolytes.

The boys are on the road now. They head out of the driveway out onto Willow Road. They come quickly to the village and turn onto main street.

Kailen slows to allow Liam to close beside him and says: "see anyone?"

Liam shakes his head. "no."

They turn on Oak Road and left again on Raeford Road.

Kailen turns and over his shoulder in a controlled shout says: "Hey Liam..come on up for a second."

Liam stands on the pedals and quickly accelerates up besides Kailen. Keeping his eyes on the next upcoming turn at Elroy Lane Kailen says: "Watch this kid on the Marin mountain bike. I have seen him before when we were heading out."

Without incident they make the Rocky Road near the turn off. At an exact point in the featureless bramble, Kailen pulls off quickly and hops off his bike to usher Liam into the woods. He grabs a fallen branch and brushes away the tire tracks so that no one would be able to detect where the bikes left the road. They reach rapidly the rocky outcropping that hides the entrance to an outer cave. Kailen reaches the leaning rock and easily shoves it aside, knowing exactly where the fulcrum point is. Kailen gestures Liam into the revealed entrance. Then he brushes the ground and rolls back the rock.

The boys are somewhat breathless and suddenly quiet in the semi darkness of a cavern. A thin light slants down from a small slit in the ceiling stripped by the small roots that make the opening above invisible to even the concentrated scrutiny of a determined searcher. Kailen advances, in the dim light, across the cave toward another rock leaning against a cave wall. He touches a certain point; it pivots under the slight force exerted by Kailen to reveal a narrow tunnel at the end of which a light glows brightly.

He signals Liam to enter and cautions him: "Liam keep your eyes on the light or you will get claustrophobia. Don't slow down or stop but move steadily. You'll be alright. I will be directly behind you."

Liam nods his assent and bending down falls to his knees and begins to crawl along the dusty floor. Kailen follows and keeps his focus on the end after he rolled the cover rock carefully back, brushed again the dirt in front, placed the brush inside the tunnel for the next time, and began to crawl resolutely and bravely toward the light at the end of the tunnel.

Liam arrives at the end finally with great relief,looks quickly behind him to check that Kailen is just behind him, and shielding his eyes against the bright light that floods down from the top of the stairs that rise steeply from the rocky floor of the large cave, gasps at the unexpected sight of the golden shoes that lay in splendor on the floor at the bottom of the first step. Kailen stands behind Liam and smiles with the remembrance of the first sight he had of the big cave. Kailen closes quickly the entrance to the tunnel. (Nyal and Kailen had decided, soon after the secret of the Golden Sled was revealed to them, that they should take the precaution of closing the exit from the tunnel in the unlikely event that someone would have breached all the defenses established to prevent discovery of the cave complex.)

The two boys sit and change into their golden shoes. Liam's shoes are there together with Nyal's and Kailen's and fit and he is pleased to be included as a bona fide keeper of the secret of the Golden Sled. Kailen knows that the staircase is endless unless it is climbed wearing golden shoes. Kailen attempted to climb the stairs once on a dare from Nyal but he was never able to progress beyond the eleventh step. He sheepishly had to retreat, exhausted, to pay up.

The two boys now cinch the laces of their golden shoes and race rapidly up the stairs. Liam is amazed at the lightness of his steps and the endless flow of steps as his speed increases. Before he can catch a breath, the two land softly on snow-covered rocks on the top of a mountain. Liam is dazzled.

Kailen moves smoothly into action. He unzips the tarpaulin that covers the Golden Sled; it slides down and Liam is delighted at the sight of what he had only been told about from his brothers.

The sled sits poised as if about to fly and sparkles with splendor in the sun. Kailen checks a list.

He says: "Liam open the door on the right there and check if the Sky Hook is stowed."

The sky-hook is a clever device that includes a balloon which inflates with compressed carbon dioxide, a sky hook that locates an energy filed and fixes itself solidly into its atomic structure, a stabilizer powered by a hydrogen fuel cell that enables the Golden Sled to hover noiselessly and endlessly over a point on the ground accurate to an inch or less, an unlimited-length Kevlar cable able to lift infinite weight, and an intelligent end tool that configures itself to hundreds of forms depending on the requirement at the moment of use. It might be a emergency medical bed, a power shovel, or an emergency rescue extraction tool. This tool is known as the 'Liberator.'

Liam nods to Kailen that the kit is stowed and Kailen then shouts: "Saddle up, we're off."

Liam straps himself in. He sits the middle seat responsible for operating the stabilizers that control the attitude of the golden sled.. an awesome responsibility for a neophyte golden sledder. Kailen is the navigator, operating the computer installed in a small box near the runners, and normally sits the rear seat. And he is also, in the absence of Nyal, the pilot and he now sits the pilot's seat, steers the sled and operates the visual phone that links the sled to the vast world wide store of information that often assists the brothers perform an 'assignment.'

The sled begins to move. It sits upon a carpet from Afghanistan and appears to float. But it rides upon runners made from steel from Damascus, Syria, folded eleven times upon itself to insure hardness capable of withstanding the most intense pressure. The runners morph into whatever requirements the 'assignment' demands. The steel contains bucky balls... unusual arrangements of carbon atoms that form super strong material. The 'steel' is configurable when magnetic fields are applied to the atomic structure.

The sled increases its speed. Liam is frightened as the trees pass by so rapidly that he becomes dizzy. Kailen increases his hold on the handle as the speed presses him into his seat. He takes a deep breath, tenses his stomach muscles, receives the signal from the sled's computer that elevation speed is achieved and speaks quickly into the sled's intercom: "OK buddy..lift off."

Kailen's first thought after lift off is of Beau-Beau. He knows that he's scared and miserable and that he may attempt to escape and be attacked by the wild animals in the zoo who have been freed from their cages and en-fenced areas. He quickly queries the guidance computer of the golden sled and directs it to locate the National Zoo and to proceed immediately to the location and to hover.

Kailen turns to Liam and he says:' Liam we will need to move very fast when we arrive. Are you ready to help?

Liam replies instantly: "I'm ready."

Kailen thinks: I think that as soon as we arrive and locate the exact place where Beau is hiding that we should use the Sky Hook to hover and the Liberator to retrieve Beau-Beau. If everything goes well, it should be an easy rescue.

The guidance computer beeped that the destination point at been reached. Kailen, Liam and the Golden Sled were over the National Zoo. Kailen looked over the edge of the sled and below was Rock Creek...still at flood crest...its banks overrun by the deluge of water still flowing down the stream caused by the torrential rains from the passage of Hurricane Ricki.

And faintly, then louder, came the wail of Beau..agonizing because that meant he was still frightened...wonderful in another sense because it meant that he was alive and in the place where he could be rescued. "Liam" called Kailen...look carefully... can you locate Beau?

Liam replied: "Kailen I see him...He's in a crack in the rocks near the Lion's refuge. He's barking. A huge lion is standing over the crack growling fiercely."

Kailen quickly turned to the controls of the Sky Hook and deployed the great apparatus. Up...up it went until a gage indicated that a magnetic field was present. Kailen hit the 'set' button on the control panel and the hook planted itself firmly in the invisible energy field always present in the clear sky unknown to most...but identified readily by the Skyhook's sensors. Then he turned to the Liberator and lowered it carefully to just above the lion crouched over Beau's sanctuary. The lion did not notice the end of the Liberator configuring itself into a giant loud speaker.

Kailen's idea was to send a loud sound through the loudspeaker to frighten the lion into retreating, giving him time to figure out a way to rescue Beau. As the end of the Liberator hovered above the lion, Kailen trasmited the one sound that a lion fears: the bull elephant.

The lion jumped away from his perch looking rapidly around him trying desperately to locate the sound. Kailen used the controls of the liberator to keep the now configured loudspeaker behind the lion so he could not locate it and the sound continued to roll forth the trumpeting roar of the elephant.

The lion quickly turned and ran rapidly away back to the shelter of his den. Kailen's strategy had worked. The lion was now away from Beau and Kailen could set to work to rescue him from the crack in the rocks. Just as Kailen sent the signal to the Liberator end to configure itself into giant claws that would reach through the cracks in the rocks and slowly close around Beau, the Golden Sled lurched and rose and fell rapidly in wildly gyrating motion.

Liam yelled to Kailen: "Grab the controls..this thing is going to crash if this motion continues. I'm frightened. Can we get closer to the ground?

Kailen quickly regained control of the Golden Sled, quieting its motion. Liam was relieved but now Kailen observed that the Liberator arm was not operating properly. Beau started up at the Golden Sled...recognizing both Kailen and Liam...barking loudly and happily... obviously glad to see them.

But no matter what Kailen attempted the Liberator would not respond. Kailen carefully let his eyes travel the length of the Kevlar cable that connected the golden sled and the Liberator end and then he noticed the large piece of wood that somehow had become stuck in the claw that the end has become. He could not shake the piece of wood lose no matter what maneuver he attempted.

He looked at Liam: "Liam, your initiation is going to come sooner than you might want. I need you to pilot the Golden Sled while I descend the cable and free the Liberator claw."

Lian gulped and thinking and said to himself: "I don't have the slightest idea how to do this."

Kailen sensing his concern said: "Liam you can do it. Just read the directions on the control screen. ...the computer will give you options and you choose the one that I call up to you. You yell the choices to me and I will choose one and you click the button. We can do this together."

Liam said to Kailen: "Lets do it. I can fly the sled. I promise."

Kailen decided that Liam could just do it and before either had time to worry more, he went over the side of the golden sled and using rock climber's jumars quickly 'walked' down the Kevlar cable to the end. There he was suspended over the lion's compound, just above Beau barking loudly, when the Sled lurched again. Kailen banged into the rocks almost losing his hand hold on the cable. From the corner of his eye he saw the lion appear at the mouth of his Den. He was attracted by the motion and the color of Kailen's red jacket.

Kailen yelled to Liam. "Liam can you stabilize the Sled?" Liam called" "Yes, the screen is asking me to choose between 'adding uplift or lowering down lift." What should I do?"

Kailen called: "Lower down lift...quickly Liam. I'm in trouble here... the lion is slowly creeping toward me."

Liam selected the correct command and the sled slowly stabilized and lifted slightly and Kailen rose at the end of the cable until he was out of reach of the lion who had now crept stalkingly toward the rocks near Beau. The lion has forgotten the sound of the bull elephant and not seeing one, his fearlessness returned.

Kailen thought rapidly. How can I scare the lion away and get Beau?

"Meat" he said to himself mentally. He quickly inputed a control sequence into the Liberators computer to configure a refrigerator. Before his eyes a sleek stainless steel refrigerator appeared at the end of the cable to replace the claws. Kailen quickly opened the freezer door, spotted a package labeled steak and tore its package open and tossed the meat a considerable distance away from Beau's hiding spot. The lion caught the scent immediately and raced to the meat and began to eat. Kailen watched carefully because in addition to asking the computer to configure a refrigerator with meat, he has asked thatthe meat contain a sleeping drug.

This tactic now appeared to work because the Lion began to waver and it slowly collapsed and fell fast asleep.

"Great" Kailen thought. "It worked."

Liam watched from above glancing at the control screen often checking to see if the computer was presenting to him control options. He felt very much in control. He was confident that he could now participate as a true member of the small group of brothers to whom had been entrusted the secret of the Golden Sled.

But the mission was not complete. Beau had to be retrieved from the crack in the rocks. Kailen manipulated the controls of the Liberator to configure a claw. But the configurator seemed to be malfunctioning. The refrigerator disappeared but nothing took its place. The cable just ended in a blank. There was nothing at the end ...the cable just stopped in mid-air almost as if there were something there but invisible to Kailen and to Liam.

Kailen thought quickly.

He said to himself: "What am I forgetting? Is there something that I am not doing?" and then he remembered. The Liberator was programmed to anticipate. And it had been programmed to make itself invisible when it became a claw so as not to alarm the prey. The sight of a giant claw descending open would frighten even the most tame animal or accustomed human. Cleverly the subject to be rescued would not see anything until the claw was already around them. Then the claw became visible to Kailen. He could see the claw in outline. The complete capacity of the Liberator then jumped back into his mind. Of course the Liberator would make itself visible to me because I need to tell it where to move and when to close. Liam watched from above eager to help Kailen and yet watchful of his own responsibilities to pilot the Golden Sled.

Kailen called to Beau: "Beau Beau you're a good dog...a brave dog...We're coming to get you. Good dog...brave dog. He instructed the Liberator to move the claw so that it wound its way through the narrow passage that had been too small for the Lion to get through...otherwise Beau would have been eaten...and suspend over Beau. Kailen issued the instruction and the claw slowly closed over Beau's body. Then Kailen realized his mistake. How was the claw to bring Beau back through the narrow passage...it and Beau were bigger than the opening?

Instantly acting, Kailen caused the claw to open just before it was to close on Beau. Kailen retracted the claw and re-directed it instead to close on the large boulder forming the narrow entrance. He caused the claw to toss the heavy rock away into the creek. It appeared to be without effort. He then maneuvered the claw back into the opening now wide enough to retract Beau.

He checked quickly that the lion was still asleep.

He gulped to see that the lion was rousing from sleep and turning toward Beau. His eye caught the commotion of the rescue and the lion began to lope slowly back toward Beau and then increase its speed to a run.

Kailen called to Liam: "Liam be ready to lift when I signal."

Liam answered: "Kailen, I'm ready. I've got the command queued."

Kailen closed the claw quickly over Beau and instructed the claw to retract. Beau jumped when the invisible restraint lifted him. He whined. He barked loudly. The lion jumped at Beau... he couldn't see the claw either. Kailen entered the command to cause the claw to quickly brush the lion as it rose in midair to attack Beau. The lion fell into the raging creek. Kailen and Liam watched the lion swimming frantically to get to the other side. He was unhurt but unable to menace Beau any longer.

The cable with the claw in which Beau lay and on which Kailen stood signaling to Liam slowly shorten until Kailen and Beau arrived at the sled...Kailen fell over the side and quickly commanded the claw to open to release Beau. Beau jumped up and down and licked Liam and Kailen. He was so happy to be free and to be back with his friends.

Kailen and Liam looked at each other and smiled. They were happy to have been empowered by the secret of the Golden Sled to made another rescue and especially because the rescued was Beau...their very good and loyal friend.